Perceiving Intentions

     While I was struggling to readjust to society after inpatient care and finding myself through solitude and meditation, I did not realize just how hard that would be.  Conversations took a lot of energy, so I usually just listened and did not say much.  It was during this time that I realized the relationship between a speaker’s intention while speaking and the listener’s perception of what they think the other’s intention is. 

     People, I noticed, are quick to try to figure out another individual- this means another’s intentions.  When we first speak to a person we look at tone, body language, and eye contact.  When people began a conversation with me, they noticed that I was shy, more cut off from wanting a conversation, and eye contact was harder for me. These three things alone helped others prejudge my intentions.  They perceived me as not wanting to have a conversation even though that was not my intention at the time.  I was just trying to gather the courage to be able to say something meaningful and with confidence.

     I began to wonder about the relationship between the two words.  Perception is defined as “a way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; a mental impression.”  Meanwhile, intention is defined as, “Conceptions formed by directing the mind towards an object.” I came to the conclusion that just because we, the speaker, have a specific intention does not mean that the other individual will perceive our intentions clearly.  This is because only we know our intentions when we say something to another individual.  Sometimes, this can get lost in translation, as it often happened and sometimes still happens to me.  Just because I had a specific intention, did not mean that they could perceive it or cared to.  

     I lost a lot of friendships because they did not understand how to perceive me and my intentions.  I was too confusing to them, and they did not want to put in the effort to get to know me at my most vulnerable.  Others did not see someone who wanted a genuine friendship, they saw someone who was a door mat and able to be used for everything.  I wanted friends so badly I did anything I could to keep the friendship going.  As a result, when I finally had nothing more that I could be used for, they left me.  Time and time again, I would speak to them, and they would not understand my intentions as a potential friend, or as a human being.  I was an object that could provide for them.  But then again, perhaps I am in the wrong about this.  Perhaps they did want to be my friend and they weren’t using me.  Because I had been hurt and used so many times before, my jaded perceptions of a potential friendship may have disregarded the other’s genuine intentions as well.  Therefore, as a result, I am the one who pushed them away. I lived much of my life in a state of confusion trying to decipher who wanted to be my genuine friend and who didn't.  I did not trust others and as a result, the ability to distinguish between the two was complicated.   

     The relationship between being able to perceive another’s intentions and having others being able to perceive your intentions are no doubt intertwined.  My lack of being able to understand another person left me with the only option of distancing myself from people and trying to figure out how I build a friendship at all.  It took some time, but I now understand that prejudging someone's intentions only leads to a potential misperception of the individual.  By really listening to others and speaking with intention, we can be sure to refresh the way others perceive us.  Please note, it is up to us to change our perspectives in order to understand others intentions.

How do we perceive another’s intentions when they speak?  How accurate or inaccurate are we usually when doing this?