TranscendingThoughts

I feel that I have lived most of my life on autopilot, just blindly living it for the wrong reasons. I have always listened to my family or those around me who I respected and thought "what they say is what I'm meant to do with my life."  Think about it, all throughout our lives up until a certain age, our parents are the ones making the choices for us whether we realize it or not.  They are the deciding factor in how we live our lives underneath their roofs.  This is the main reason why children move out of their parents houses... to live THEIR OWN lives.  I must admit, that when I turned 18 and began college, a new realization came over me.  I didn't have to live for others, but for myself.  Yet, I had no idea what I wanted to do and was still being controlled by my parents. When I went to University, I began with a Psychology major.  I love seeing how others think, even though I do have a different mindset than most people.  I wanted to try to better understand

Struggles come in many different forms and guide us in many different directions. For those of you reading along with my thoughts, you can see I have many internal and external struggles.  Yet, they have all pushed me closer to one realization, that I am a writer... a person who speaks their mind through the written word rather than a spoken word... and a person who is never afraid to take the unconventional route.  It does not matter to me that many won't understand why.  All they need to know is that it's my choice.  Struggles and the creative process are close friends.  Why you ask? Because the greatest artists, writers, and musicians all had some life-changing struggle that allowed their curiosity and creativity to blossom.  Through these struggles, they grew more as an artist, but more so as a person.  When you experience things, you gain wisdom that allows you to view the world under a different microscope.  Although there may be others that share a similar viewpoint

Whoever says writing is easy is a liar.  Writing isn't as easy as it seems, but I guess it's a good thing that I am not afraid of challenges, right?  Writing as challenging as it is is cathartic and a great method to vent and express myself.  I'm choosing to live in silence once again, so in short, all I have is written words.  Or so I thought.  Reverting to be a person that stays in the background instead of babbles in the light was an easy decision for me.  I thought that writing would be easier because I am thinking more than word vomiting.  Well, I was wrong.  I still have writer's block.  I just embrace it as a part of the process. I wanted more variety to who I am as a person.  I know I'm a writer, but what else am I? Being a writer means that you have a logical gene and also a creative gene.  I thought, "I creative so what else can I do?"  Here are some of the other methods I have embraced in my period of absence from writing. Drawing  I us

My name... Is Kat. I have been through many struggles in my life. And at this moment, all I can do is look back and in an outside perspective thank the universe that those hardships happened. Life is about growing.  Growing takes time, it is not something that happens in the span of a few minutes, hours, or days, maybe even a year or two.  No. Growing takes at least a few years. I believe that we do not appreciate the growing pains until a few years later.  Even when we are going through the process, we do not necessarily see our growth.  It's only when we look back that we acknowledge how much we have grown.  Often times, it is too late and we begin to have regrets.  We miss the opportunities that were given to us in those moments.  We often take them for granted.  Maybe we even don't think that we deserve them. But trust me, you do.  Everyone reading this. You deserve to acknowledge that you are growing.  Even if you don't see it yet...even if the people aroun

I have been nominated for The Blogger Recognition Award and would like to take a moment to personally thank Diana  @thislifeasD  for nominating me.  Please check out her honest and insightful blog about varying topics here . About the Award The Blogger Recognition Award  is given by bloggers to other bloggers. This award is an avenue of acknowledging the hard work and talent of our fellow bloggers and allows their stories to be showcased and shared amongst a wider audience. There are just a few rules that the nominees must follow Thank the blogger who nominated you and add a link to their blog. Write a post on your site displaying the award and describe why you started your blog. Write two pieces of advice for new bloggers. Nominate and notify 15 more bloggers. Why I began Transcending Thoughts I began writing as a means to express myself without showing others.  Writing in secrecy, it was my escape from myself and the world around me.  Writing allows me to ga

Fears have the ability to take take many forms.  I believe fear is like a plant that has a root and spreads to other insecure parts of your mind.  In fact, I personally think that when the root spreads, it creates a cage that is often difficult to push through, but is ultimately worth it.  I often experience this when I am writing.  Sometimes on Twitter , I engage in #vss365 (very short story 365).  I usually participate in these when I have writer's block and am having difficultly trying to find topics to write about, so usually I just try to create my own.  A few mornings ago, I stumbled upon some ads on youtube about writing and I must admit that I felt inspired by the preview.  A particular quote from world renowned writer, Margaret Atwood, writer of The Handmaid's Tale and Alias Grace, made me think about myself as a writer, " If you want to write and are struggling to get started- it means you're afraid of something."  I paused the ad, reread her words care

I've been told I'm too emotional as a person... which basically translates into the notion that I'm a flight risk and people never know what they will get from me.  I've said it time and time again, I'm in between extremes most of the time, raging like fire or chilling like water and when I am neither, I am steam, just being there.  The problem with most people, in my honest opinion, is that they only choose to see the emotional side which unfortunately makes them ignore just how logical I actually am.  I believe this is because I understand the relationship between being emotional and becoming logical. I have recently been reflecting on how my emotions have impacted me throughout my life.  I remembered a specific time where I had not yet understood or created the boundary I later called "building ships."  (See my guide to "building ships" here .) I was very close to a particular girl, we had so much in common so it was only natural.  I didn&

Yesterday, I was nominated for the Sunshine Bloggers Award by an amazing and creative blogger, Diana (aka @thislifeasD).  Her blog is one of my favorites and I genuinely want those who read this post to check out her blog here  thislifeasd.home.blog . I am genuinely grateful to Diana as I have never thought something like this could ever happen to me.  Being nominated not only is validation that I may possess the ability to touch people's lives with my writing, but it is a confirmation that I am growing out of my shell as well (as I will explain later).  My blog isn't flashy, as it usually has no pictures, and probably holds some grammatical errors... but this blog is a doorway into my deepest inner thoughts, and that rawness makes it mine.  It essentially represents a side of me that others have never seen, and I am honored to share that with those who follow Transcending Thoughts. The Sunshine Blogger Award is an award that recognizes blogs within the writing community

     I always say that we meet each other for a reason, sometimes we just don't understand what that reason is until we are no longer around.  I had all the hopes and expectations in the world at the time.  I was young and emotionally vulnerable, just wanting to be liked by those around me.  You found me and made me feel safe, a feeling that I was naive to and was excited for.  It was a beautiful summer day, I remembered meeting you once before, and pretty soon we were talking, hanging out, and dating.  My world was perfect at the time, I had some one I cared about and someone who I thought wanted to be with me during my time at University.  I never imagined the events that would unfold, the betrayal that was waiting for me and the anger and hurt that would follow.      I had first noticed a change when you began to get angrier over little things, what outfits I wore or how I wore my makeup.  We would fight and bicker like a war, yelling at each other as everyone else in the dorm

     I never thought I was a person worthy of being remembered.  All my life, I wanted to just blend in with everyone else and mind my own business with as little interaction as possible.  Spending the energy to maintain a conversation was exhausting, and I couldn't keep up.  When did I become this way?  So distant, so unwilling to embrace journeys, and so afraid to speak to others?  I could only do what I knew how to... stand in the corner of a crowded room and watch people.  I must have looked like some kind of freak, not saying a word to anyone.  Some tried to come up to talk to me, but by the time I gathered the courage to say something, they left without saying anything at all.  And all I could think was, am I a person others will remember?      Even though I already knew the answer to this question, I didn't acknowledge it at the time.  Instead, I remained in my corner and people watched.  I wanted to pick out the people in my mind who would be memorable.  So, I broke i

     While I was struggling to readjust to society after inpatient care and finding myself through solitude and meditation, I did not realize just how hard that would be.   Conversations took a lot of energy, so I usually just listened and did not say much.   It was during this time that I realized the relationship between a speaker’s intention while speaking and the listener’s perception of what they think the other’s intention is.        People, I noticed, are quick to try to figure out another individual- this means another’s intentions.   When we first speak to a person we look at tone, body language, and eye contact.   When people began a conversation with me, they noticed that I was shy, more cut off from wanting a conversation, and eye contact was harder for me. These three things alone helped others prejudge my intentions.   They perceived me as not wanting to have a conversation even though that was not my intention at the time.   I was just trying to gather the co

     I am happy. I am complete. I have my family and I have love, but I remember when I didn’t.   I remember when I was lost. Lost to who I was, where I came from, and who I stood for and wanted to become.   How did I begin this journey to finding myself?   Did the universe put all the pieces together for me or was I fighting to find the truth? The answers came to me in ways I never thought possible.   In a community I at first found difficult to trust, but a community I would come to realize that shared my struggles.   Those very people are the ones who listened to me and empathized my struggles.   They gave me the answers to the questions I was seeking.        I never saw it coming.   The day that I found out that I was adopted is one I will never forget.   I knew that I was different from everyone in my family, but I couldn’t understand why.   We had such different interests, saw the world in different ways, and wanted different things out of life.   But the day that I opene

    The sun creeps in through the window trying to wake you up, yet you are unable to move.   As you look around your room, all you can see is grey, except for these few rays of sunshine that are desperately trying to touch you.   You turn on your side, unmotivated to greet the morning as it continues entering your room, illuminating the grey areas.   You're stuck.   It’s like you are chained into your bed and all you can do is stare at the ceiling for a good hour and think about the negatives.   These thoughts are your only friends, no one else understands you- or at least it seems this way.   So you make as minimal contact with others as you can.   When y our mother calls to you from downstairs, you know you have to move, because she can not know how you are trapped in your feelings.   You slowly emerge from your bed, it’s a struggle.   It feels as if something is pressing down on you begging you to stay.   But you push on, and after some time, you finally gather the streng