Using Emotions To Become Logical
I've been told I'm too emotional as a person... which basically translates into the notion that I'm a flight risk and people never know what they will get from me. I've said it time and time again, I'm in between extremes most of the time, raging like fire or chilling like water and when I am neither, I am steam, just being there. The problem with most people, in my honest opinion, is that they only choose to see the emotional side which unfortunately makes them ignore just how logical I actually am. I believe this is because I understand the relationship between being emotional and becoming logical.
I have recently been reflecting on how my emotions have impacted me throughout my life. I remembered a specific time where I had not yet understood or created the boundary I later called "building ships." (See my guide to "building ships" here.) I was very close to a particular girl, we had so much in common so it was only natural. I didn't exactly jump into my friendship with her, but after seeing her a few times, I let down my guard, as I do throughout this blog. She had other friends which was fine, as I felt our friendship was strong because we were both real with each other. When we would go out, I admit that I would drink a bit too much, which always enhanced my emotions and made them harder to control. Not many people noticed or had issues with it. However, I had a boyfriend at the time who was also friends with this group. We were all sitting together when they all asked for my boyfriend to follow them for an important conversation. What was about to happen next, I was not prepared for. I was later told that my female friend, along with her other friends, told him to tell me that they did not want to hang out with me anymore, because I was always "too emotional" which made it uncomfortable for them. When he told me this, I was beyond shocked and hurt. My friend at the time didn't tell me herself and instead as a group, they all went to my boyfriend. He continued to inform me that when he realized the conversation was predominately about me, my boyfriend told them to include me, and instead they stated that walking away from me was a "better choice" so I could not hear them talk about me. The messages that followed my boyfriend as he expressed his irritation to them was met with comments of how I was "rude," because I rarely spoke to her male friends. A comment that made my jaw drop as I didn't see why it even mattered. To say that I simply felt angry, hurt, and betrayed is an understatement. My emotions were raw and extreme as I began crying to my boyfriend and asking myself why couldn't she have just told me?... Were we not as close as I thought we were?... Was she that nervous that she felt she couldn't tell me? I was angry at her friends, but I felt betrayed by this girl who I thought was my friend... this person who I thought I was so close to... this person who knew me so much better than her friends didn't think to consider that going behind my back like that would truly hurt me since I was, and always will be, a straight forward person. You all have to understand.... I was sitting right there. They could have easily included me in the conversation, but instead they walked away and she did not consider how that would have hurt me. I felt that I saw a lack of respect for our friendship, because she didn't stand up and say, "No, we need to tell her since this conversation involves my friend" or even "Wait guys, I will tell her in private." The damage was irreversible for me, and I genuinely will never see her in the same light I used to.
Ultimately, I needed to express my emotions to better understand the situation through logic. In the heat of the moment, I was so angry and hurt that I decided that I did not want this girl or her friends as people I wanted to spend energy on in my life. This still holds true, because I would rather surround myself with people who would respect me enough to tell me what is going on in a deeper sense. However, once I was able to see from their perspective, which let me tell you was hard and is still frustratingly difficult, I understood that they may not have wanted to hurt me intentionally and that their intentions were good. Through logic, I began to debate whether or not I needed people in my life that felt that they couldn't tell me things and be completely honest with me as a friend, because friendship in my mind is having that ability to tell your friend where you stand with them in a respectful way... even if you think they won't want to hear it or may not understand where you are coming from. I have distanced myself, while still being cordial as a result.
Emotions are powerful. When a person feels a strong emotion such as anger, they may react in the moment. Logic is usually something that comes later as a retrospective moment from the situation that had occurred. We move forward from our emotions and put our logic into practice. Emotions and logic go hand in hand, because sometimes our emotion becomes our logic especially if we refuse to see it from the perspective of the other. If we meditate, remember to breathe, and collect ourselves, we can use our logic in the moment instead of reflecting upon it after the fact. But, this is a topic for another time.
I have recently been reflecting on how my emotions have impacted me throughout my life. I remembered a specific time where I had not yet understood or created the boundary I later called "building ships." (See my guide to "building ships" here.) I was very close to a particular girl, we had so much in common so it was only natural. I didn't exactly jump into my friendship with her, but after seeing her a few times, I let down my guard, as I do throughout this blog. She had other friends which was fine, as I felt our friendship was strong because we were both real with each other. When we would go out, I admit that I would drink a bit too much, which always enhanced my emotions and made them harder to control. Not many people noticed or had issues with it. However, I had a boyfriend at the time who was also friends with this group. We were all sitting together when they all asked for my boyfriend to follow them for an important conversation. What was about to happen next, I was not prepared for. I was later told that my female friend, along with her other friends, told him to tell me that they did not want to hang out with me anymore, because I was always "too emotional" which made it uncomfortable for them. When he told me this, I was beyond shocked and hurt. My friend at the time didn't tell me herself and instead as a group, they all went to my boyfriend. He continued to inform me that when he realized the conversation was predominately about me, my boyfriend told them to include me, and instead they stated that walking away from me was a "better choice" so I could not hear them talk about me. The messages that followed my boyfriend as he expressed his irritation to them was met with comments of how I was "rude," because I rarely spoke to her male friends. A comment that made my jaw drop as I didn't see why it even mattered. To say that I simply felt angry, hurt, and betrayed is an understatement. My emotions were raw and extreme as I began crying to my boyfriend and asking myself why couldn't she have just told me?... Were we not as close as I thought we were?... Was she that nervous that she felt she couldn't tell me? I was angry at her friends, but I felt betrayed by this girl who I thought was my friend... this person who I thought I was so close to... this person who knew me so much better than her friends didn't think to consider that going behind my back like that would truly hurt me since I was, and always will be, a straight forward person. You all have to understand.... I was sitting right there. They could have easily included me in the conversation, but instead they walked away and she did not consider how that would have hurt me. I felt that I saw a lack of respect for our friendship, because she didn't stand up and say, "No, we need to tell her since this conversation involves my friend" or even "Wait guys, I will tell her in private." The damage was irreversible for me, and I genuinely will never see her in the same light I used to.
Ultimately, I needed to express my emotions to better understand the situation through logic. In the heat of the moment, I was so angry and hurt that I decided that I did not want this girl or her friends as people I wanted to spend energy on in my life. This still holds true, because I would rather surround myself with people who would respect me enough to tell me what is going on in a deeper sense. However, once I was able to see from their perspective, which let me tell you was hard and is still frustratingly difficult, I understood that they may not have wanted to hurt me intentionally and that their intentions were good. Through logic, I began to debate whether or not I needed people in my life that felt that they couldn't tell me things and be completely honest with me as a friend, because friendship in my mind is having that ability to tell your friend where you stand with them in a respectful way... even if you think they won't want to hear it or may not understand where you are coming from. I have distanced myself, while still being cordial as a result.
Emotions are powerful. When a person feels a strong emotion such as anger, they may react in the moment. Logic is usually something that comes later as a retrospective moment from the situation that had occurred. We move forward from our emotions and put our logic into practice. Emotions and logic go hand in hand, because sometimes our emotion becomes our logic especially if we refuse to see it from the perspective of the other. If we meditate, remember to breathe, and collect ourselves, we can use our logic in the moment instead of reflecting upon it after the fact. But, this is a topic for another time.
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